My Lack of Fertility Due To My Crohns And Numerous Surgeries

So I take part with a group of ladies hosting The IBD & Ostomy Support show on Youtube and the topics we discuss are wide and varied. The last show we hosted last Thursday was about fertility along with does being chronically ill make parenting harder. So this is my story of My Lack of Fertility Due To My Crohns and Numerous Surgeries.

My only pregnancy

So in late 2008, I fell pregnant with my daughter Maisie. My pregnancy was pretty normal, I had a slight flare at 26 weeks, Got put on prednisone and ballooned from my healthy pregnancy weight of 11st to a whopping great big 15st 6 lbs by the time I was 2 weeks overdue. I went into a natural labour. However, due to scarring from the Crohns, my cervix didn’t want to dilate so I had an emergency C-Section.

When I was referred

When I was referred to Obs & Gynea

After having Maisie and the fuck up with all the surgeries having another child was the last thing on my mind. In 2014 I fell pregnant again, Unfortunately for me due to all the medication I was on they said the foetus wasn’t viable and I sadly had to terminate the pregnancy at 14 weeks. It’s something that still stays with me and at the time it broke my heart but its better the devil you know. I still feel guilty about having to have that done and mark birthdays from the due date in my head. I didn’t know then that even if the baby had been viable it would have killed me to carry the baby to term.

Surgery Planning 2016

Last year my lovely surgeon rigidly planned my final stoma surgery and due to all the complications that were involved, I got referred to the lovely Obs & Gynea team at Guys & St Thomas’s hospital. Suffice to say I left that appointment in August in tears and in a bit of a daze and really struggled to pull myself together for the train journey home. I cried my heart out that night. The team had tried their hardest to get my original surgery notes along with my pregnancy and C-section records from my previous hospital, It has now been decided they made their way to Mordor and got destroyed in the fire of Mount Doom. I can’t have any more children due to them being unable to ascertain how my uterus was cut and due to the level of scarring and infection endured after the original surgeries. They have said if I hit 20 weeks gestation I could just drop dead from a uterine rupture. The nurse specialist said to me should I accidentally fall pregnant they can do their best to help but I’m not suicidal or putting my life at risk and leaving Maisie without a mummy for a pure selfish need. Don’t get me wrong it consumes me sometimes and I think maybe I will risk it but I can’t put my daughter, partner or family through it for a just because it could go either way. I’ve come to terms with it but I occasionally get jealous feelings when friends and family who are going through pregnancy But I’ve learned to suck it up. I’m so grateful and lucky to have a happy lively 7-year-old who sometimes drives me crazy but I wouldn’t have her any other way. I’m very lucky to have a child as some other women don’t get the chance or that experience and for that, I will always be blessed in one way even if my health is a sod.

Ivf

They referred me to the IVF Clinic in the hope of having my eggs harvested so I could have a biological child carried by a surrogate. However due to the state of my insides and artificial hormones sending me on a psychotic episode (my body doesn’t like hormones). It’s been decided I’m not a suitable candidate for IVF either. I cried my eyes out for several days after that one. I even told my partner he can leave the relationship as he doesn’t have any children and I don’t want him to go without because my body hates me.

Ivf Referal

Ivf Referal

Ben understandably was upset with the final decision of no more children for me, but he came up with an alternative that I had never considered which was adoption. I’d never thought about adoption before so it is like a ray of hope to me. Yes, I can’t have any more children naturally. However, I would still be able to provide a child with the love of a mother and father even if that child hasn’t come from my own body. I’ve decided to give it another year for me to come to terms with myself not being able to have another child and then possibly start the Adoption process once my health is on a more even keel.

Any questions or comments please comment below

 

 

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