Is Dating As A Crohnie Difficult?

Is Dating As A Crohnie Difficult? Hmmmm how to start this?! Im nearly 33 and was diagnosed with crohns disease 14 years ago. At that time I was 19 and in a serious relationship. Roll on to the present and I am still in a committed relationship but not with the same person.

Is Dating As A Crohnie Difficult?

When I was first diagnosed I was with my daughters father. We was together for 11 years and parted ways. I won’t go into the nitty gritty but he struggled with the illness and wasn’t very open about his thoughts on the matter or overly affectionate. I am thankful to a degree as I have a lovely 8 year old and we have a settled co-parenting relationship now.

When we split dating was not at the forefront of my mind to be brutally honest and I was navigating being a single mum and living on my own, my illness didn’t even register at the time. I re-connected with someone from my past about 6 months after the split. I was open and honest about what was wrong with me. He seemed ok at the start but it was a rebound. Towards the back end of us dating for 8 months I was tired, disliked him immensely and had to end it. I had my crohns thrown back in my face but at the same time I thought f@@k you. I know my worth and am not willingly to put up with a “f@@k boy that drives a corsa and still lives with his mummy at the age of 33”. Safe to say good riddance to that one.

Is honesty the best policy?

I can say that being open and honest from the early days of dating and romance is the best thing to do. The reason being is it will show you how they will be able to navigate life through your illness. If they know and decide to not progress in a relationship during the early days then it is their loss not yours.

The real dating game

After a chat with my mumsie I spent a few months working out what I wanted from life in general and what I expected from a man. I spent most of that time every other weekend enjoying my friends, copious amounts of alcohol and the walks of shame back from my friends house on a Sunday morning at 9 am in her pjs and last nights shoes. Do you know what I am so grateful and lucky to have behaved like I would have in my younger years and just enjoy having a social life whilst my daughter was at her fathers.

Now me dating at this time especially meeting men and speaking to them I was as rusty as hell and remembered seeing people through beer goggles is never a wise idea. Plus I have never been the sort of girl to have one night stands so that didn’t particularly appeal to me. I’m also rather abrasive to tanked up men when I can see right through them and any expectations they may have had that evening.

My best friends solution for this was to sign me up on a dating website that was specifically for single mothers. That was under the influence of wine at the time. One of my favourite quotes from a book called love from both sides is  “While he is dull, the pinot is unfortunately telling me he’s quite a handsome chap.The Pinot lies though. Its wicked wicked stuff-ready and willing to lead a young girl down dark winding paths to places she shouldn’t go”. That explains the rebound and my stint on plenty of fish. Now I spent 4 months on plenty of fish and I have to say those 4 months had to be some of the most entertaining week day evenings I had at that time.

The dates

I was talking to a lovely chap called Steve for 2/3 months prior to meeting up the day after boxing day back in 2015. Steve was a nice enough chap and he took me on a few dates and treated me like a lady. I don’t think at that time I was ready for a relationship and we parted ways as friends.

The worst date ever!

I will be honest I was rather bored at the time and when this happens I make some decisions that I thought were a good idea at the time and just rolled with it. A friend suggested I go on a date with this person at a well known spot near where I lived. I got there early just incase I needed to escape and make a quick retreat. Now when he turned up it was blatant the lying git had lied about his age!! He said he was 36……. If he was a day under 46 I was quite willing to eat my own knickers at that moment I was that sure. Unfortunately the bastard spotted me due to my rather vibrant red hair at the time so there was no escape for CrohnsFighting. We went through the introductions and I surveyed the gentleman in front of me. Fashion faux pas with cow boy boots and I was like wheres the bar I need alcohol god damn it.So cue the next 4 hrs. I got rather squiffy and just listened. He told me off because I hadn’t eaten all my dinner at this place and I was mentally sticking up the proverbial middle finger. Now unfortunately for me it was a Sunday and I had to rely on Sunday train service. So Weatherspoons was the next port of call. 3:30 pm on a Sunday and I was racking up tequilas it was that bad. I phoned my bestie and screamed the code word “yellow lorry” she was in such a gale of laughter and going what a sorry state of affairs and then said the words I was dreading wrong code word…… Damn went that route of escape. The next option was another friend but they had been drinking. Last one was my friend Ben. Ben being ever the gentleman came and rescued my sorry arse. Whilst sending me video links of Bonnie Tylers I need a hero “Have to appreciate a sense of humour”. I made my excuses and said Im ever so sorry but my daughter has fallen ill and my mum is coming to grab me. Ben was a funny mum sitting outside in his Audi. I forgot that particular Weatherspoons was floor to ceiling windows…………

The last leg

The seemed like a good idea at the time moment lead me to Ben.After that emergency rescue myself and Ben never parted ways. We had been talking for several months prior after reconnecting on facebook. Not sure how to write this but we just fell into a relationship. They always say it happens when you least expect it. Ben was going through a divorce at the time and I never expected him to be here nearly 2 years later. You see I have a lot to contend with illness wise. I can’t have any more children and with Ben now being at the lovely age of 34 I can’t expect him to forgo his future of possibly becoming a Dad. I will admit that I have said he could have an out pass if he wanted to but that man has proved me wrong at every turn. He has been through major life changing surgery with me. He has nursed me, looked after me when Im really poorly and has supported me through my blog, show and the general sarcastic cynical seems like a good idea at the time me. I never thought after my daughters father that I would be in a long term relationship or learn how to love another man. It didn’t really dawn on me until the December just past that if we ever parted ways I would be destroyed. That feeling in my chest if I feel like things are going wrong would never go away and it would take a lot for me to pick myself back up as there is only one Ben and he is the person for me, my person or mine as we both say to each all the time. He really is one of those rare finds that a once in lifetime kind of deal and I am so lucky to have found that with everything I have had to contend with over the years. I am a very lucky lady who couldn’t wish for any thing more in life.

Summary

Dating life as a crohnie has been like any normal person dating. I have never struggled to get a date or make a go of a relationship. I am just slightly awkward around men in general. This was most likely because Im a relationship kind of girl and not about having random hook ups. I have also been worried about any body language or actions being misconstrued so I am better at chatting than flirting. I would say for any of those worried about dating then take your time. A few dates and the early day conversations is always a good way to get a handle on the other person. Most of all have fun and enjoy dating. It doesn’t hold a normal healthy person back so why should it hold you back?

Please feel free to leave any comments.

 

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