Does Having An Ostomy Affect My Sex Life?

Does Having An Ostomy Affect My Sex Life? Mum if you do happen to read this I would like to say sorry and you might want to stop reading now. So, one of the most common asked questions in any support group is how do I have sex with an ostomy? Will it affect me? What will my partner/lover/husband or wife think? How long after the operation can sex resume?

Does Having An Ostomy Affect My Sex Life?

I am quite a shy person and as I’m typing this my brain is going oh dear god what are you typing? I blush when sex is mentioned and more of lights off kind of girl.

My favourite term for sex is “Adult Shenanigans”, this involves less blushing and I can laugh it off. Over the last 8 years I have had so many surgeries that my sex life has been on and off.

I have been lucky in the fact that both times with ostomy surgery that I have been in long term relationships and that it hasn’t affected the men that I’m having sex with. But it has affected me to a degree.

What’s the worst that can happen?

  • So, what is the worst thing that can happen with an ostomy having sex? Honest answer to that one is nothing. Ok I have had 2 burst bags and one actually came off once, yes it killed the mood and I got over it. It’s an accident these things can happen
  • Does the bag get in the way? Ok so this is a ummmm how do I answer this? Yes, the bag can get in the way but there are ways around this
  • Will you lose your partner due to ostomy surgery? I can say that any decent human being who loves you will not and should not use the ostomy surgery as a way out. If they do then they are not worth the effort. It would be heart breaking but it would be better than getting blamed or have the ostomy thrown at you in arguments
  • The tips on the corners of the bottom of the bag can dig into both you and your partner and it can be a mood killer. I have found that rolling the bag up and pinning it with kirby grips stops the poking of said corners.

So tips that have been provided to me by others and some I have learnt along the way I have listed below.

Tips for sex

For the women – 

  1. Sexy nighties- so things like baby dolls will hold the bag closer to body so it’s not rustling
  2. Comfizz support band– this holds the bag under the band but still has access all areas
  3. Jasmine Stacey– This is lingerie specifically for ostomies in mind and is a confidence booster as well
  4. Lace strips – You can get a lace waist strip that’s thin and holds the bag in place
  5. Stoma covers– You can also get stoma covers to cover the bag
  6. Naked- My partner isn’t bothered at all by my stoma

For the men

This is a bit of a difficult one for me to use as I’m not a man. Some of my male ostomate friends have recommended these

  1. Comfizz Support band– this holds the bag under the band but still has access all areas
  2. Support vests- Same concept, this holds the bag in place
  3. Stoma covers– You can cover the bag with one of these

After surgery

The most common question asked is how long after surgery can normal action resume? That is down to the individual and if you feel ready and want to have sex. Your partner will be understanding and wait for you. There never is a correct timeline as to when you should start back up. Its dependant on the type of surgery and how you feel within yourself.

Things I struggle with

The things I struggle with after surgery is positions from behind. I have girlfriends with ostomies that have said exactly the same thing. I’m not too sure if it’s something to do with what has been removed and down to scar tissue but I find it uncomfortable and sometimes painful. So, it is one I tend to avoid.

 

My adult shenanigans history

I had emergency surgery to save my life after an emergency C-section due to sepsis and faecal peritonitis with pneumonia thrown into the mix back in 2009. This left me with an open wound, ileostomy and 3 months in a hospital. I can honestly say sex was the last thing on my mind coming home after all of this. I had a Vac machine attached to me and a gaping open wound, a 3-month-old baby and an ileostomy to contend with. It took me 7 months to re-spark my sex drive. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t through lack of trying. I tried on quite a few occasions. My brain was saying yes but my body was not agreeing with that fact. May have also been because of other factors but I’m not going to publicly discuss mine and his personal issues on this blog post. I think the main factor with this was due to the open wound and not finding myself attractive or being comfortable with oneself due to the trauma my body went through.

2012- I had my bowel resection and after 6 weeks I was back to having a normal sex drive. This was because I had full on plastic surgery and the open wound magically disappeared and I had no problem with how I looked.

2016 to now. I started dating Ben in 2016. I was initially shy as I had stretch marks, scars and some scary dipping quite close to my pelvic region. Ben has always been a complete star as loves me as I am and he finds the whole scar thing attractive.

Now in late 2016 when I had my ostomy surgery Ben was actually asked if I was capable of having sex and if it would affect us. His response was the normal no why should it affect us. I can honestly say hiding my face behind my hands that I was back to having sex within 2 weeks of having that surgery done. Our sex life is perfectly healthy and the ostomy does not affect us.

Does having the ostomy affect my sex life?

I can honestly say that no it does not. I have been through hell and back and still have an active healthy sex life. I’m very lucky in the fact I have a loving relationship and a boyfriend that isn’t bothered by my ostomy apart from the fact he hates the pelican bags as they are rather rough and he has ended up with bag rash on several occasions. He likes the mio bags but I don’t get on with them. Sex is just part of normal daily life and it is not something that I have any concerns with.

So that’s it for me and this post. I am just about to go and stick my rather red blushing face in the freezer in the hopes it cools me down.

If you have any other tips for fellow ostomates please comment below.

5 Comments
  1. It don’t bother me lol we just wham bam swing from the lamp shades lol 😆

    Don’t do anything with my bag it don’t get in the way and i’m Still very flexible ( tmi)

  2. From a male perspective, I couldn’t live without my hernia support belt. Holds the bag in place through anything, from regular “shenanigans” to light BDSM. Have had an ostomy om and off for 9 years, and my sex life is as active as it’s ever been, and more adventurous than ever.

    The biggest sex aid, though – as with non-ostomates, the right partner.

  3. Brilliant honest blogs
    Well done all

  4. I just wear a tight fitting tee shirt and it’s as if the atoms and bag aren’t even there…

  5. I just wear a tight fitting tee shirt and it’s as if the stoma and bag aren’t even there…

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